one time my religion teacher who has a monobrow asked me “what the hell did you do to your hair?” because i had a blonde streak through it and i said “what the hell did you do to your eyebrow” and he sent me outside

when i came back in he asked everyone what monotheism was and i said it meant a religion that worshiped one god because mono means one as in monobrow and he sent me out again

I have a dream about you every night. At around 2:30am every night I wake up and roll over. I half expect you to be laying there, but you never are. So I just roll back over an try to sleep an not cry.







jim fucking carrey

jim fucking carrey


I love Jim Carrey. I once met him in a 7/11, and I was getting a soda, I turned and saw it was him, and he saw I was going for a Doctor Pepper, so he said “Oh did you want one of these”, to which I stuttered out a yes and he grabbed all of them and said “too bad” and brought them up to the front. Then he bought his stuff and left the sodas there, and left. Almost immediately after, he ran back in and began putting the sodas back and paid for mine.

This is what happens when Candians are let lose and try to prank people


It’s not fair that I have to dream about you almost every night. It’s not. You don’t care about me at all, you never will. I’m a fucking dumbass for loving you. Why is it I know these things, but if you called right now I’d still take you back. If I woke up to a call or text from you I’d be the happiest person. I don’t know what’s more sad, hoping one day I might or the fact of knowing you won’t.

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